My NYC Survival Tips

Over the last week I have started two new jobs, while rehearsing for a dance video, catering, babysitting and as of yesterday all while fighting a cold. Oh, and did I mention we had a little bed bug incident? I have become a jack of all trades, at least when it comes to the restaurant business, and though I hate it, sometimes you have to do things to make everything else worth it.  Anyways, I've learned a lot about myself and the city the last four years, and I constantly have people asking me about New York when they consider moving here... so here are my survival tips. Please don't confuse the 'S' words- I said these were ways to survive, not succeed! I'm still working on the later!

*Comfy Shoes*

- This is pretty self explanatory! Don't let those girls on Sex and the City mislead you- flats, boots, sneakers and wedges are your key to making it through the crap load of blocks you'll be walking!

- Rain boots are a must! No one wants soggy feet, so get a pair and get the thermal inserts for the winter. Plus they are super cute, especially in the summer! Trust me; you will be glad you have them when you approach a street corner that requires a Gondola to get across!

*Sanity*
- Just be aware that you will lose it, over and over and over again!

*Tray Holding Skills*
- It sucks, but restaurants equal flexible hours and decent money. These skills will help you move from one job to another pretty easily, and if you are anything like me, you will move around a lot due to lacking sanity and boredom.
*Splurge*
- There is too much going on in this city to not enjoy it! Allow yourself to have that girl's night or those super cute shoes! Withholding things from your life makes you bitter and jaded, and that will happen soon enough anyways!
- Get yourself an AC unit for your window. It may seem unnecessary and excessive, but you could save a few dollars and go crazy or just get the damn unit.

*Become a Regular*
- I always loved how in movies of the city the character would be walking down the street and the street cart vendor would know their name. It was so silly, but it does happen. Even though there are millions of people in the city, you will see some of the same people every day! So, smile at the doorman!
- Go to the same Bodega every day- these guys will not only hook you up, but they will offer their cat to you when you have a mouse, and help you break into your apartment when you are locked out.
- Go to the same bar every Friday (or Tuesday or everyday). Even if you have one drink, the bartender that you have now gotten to know will be excited to see you. You may get a free drink, but you will also be bringing light to someone who was surrounded by tourists, bad tippers and nasty managers, even if just for a few minutes.  Just don't go and be a creepy stalker and don't go in expecting anything.
- Get to know your Barista. There is a Starbucks on every corner, sometimes two on each, so get to know the people making your much needed caffeinated beverages. You don't have to chat them up, but maybe get to know their name. It will make those quick trips even quicker, and you might even get an upgrade!

*Avoid Times Square*
- You can also add Harold Square and the Abercrombie on Fifth Ave to that as well. The people, AKA Tourists, will make you crazy!
*Know How to Navigate*
- NYC is a pretty easy city to navigate around, thanks to the numbers system! But, be sure you know that Uptown is the Bronx, Downtown is to Brooklyn, Queens is to the East and New Jersey is to the West! This will help when getting on and off trains! Think ahead, and if you are lost, do NOT stop in the middle of the street, move to the side.
- Know your public restrooms. When you are out and about all day, the use of a restroom will become dire. Some places will make you buy something, but in others you can be more discreet. Just think ahead and always make it look like you are supposed to be there, even if you're not!
- Do what a true New Yorker does: Walk, Shop, Eat, Drink, REPEAT!

*You Will NEVER Have Enough Money*
- You just won't. Even if you are Donald Trump. The city is expensive and demanding. So save when you can but don't stress, it will work out somehow, just keep plowing through.
- Even though you know you have no money, there are of course people worse off than you, but don't try to give money to everyone! Half of the people standing on the street are scamming you, and the other half would take an apple if you had it, so keep an extra granola bar in your bag and give it to the deserving instead.

*Watch What Car You Get On*
- Don't get excited when the subway pulls in and the car in front of you is completely empty; this only happens when it is either without AC or when a homeless person is rotting away! Go to the next car!

*McDonalds is NOT Your Friend*
- Don't let the dollar menu and supersize options cloud your mind- McDonalds is not the way to proper nutrition. I lived off of Mcy D's when I first moved to the city, I thought it was great! It was saving me money, and it had options for every meal, and great little snacks too! Then I realized I was fat! Don't do what I did! Don't do it!

*You May Be Bigger Than Them, but They Are Everywhere*
- I'm talking about bugs! It's a dirty city, filled with tunnels and bridges and millions of people constantly in transit. You need to be prepared to see a cockroach in the bathroom, a rat in the subway and yes... deal with Bedbugs. It sucks! It's not fun at all, but suck it up and deal with it!

*Allow Yourself Some R & R*
- The city is grueling and stressful. This place will rape you of your sanity and your money. You need to allow yourself a break! Take a mental health day and if you can, take it out of the city! Go away to the Hamptons, or even Jersey. Take a trip or even just a day to the beach, close your eyes and relax because the second you get back it'll be like you never left.

*Be Nice*
- Even though cabbies don't have feelings, you should still be nice to them because Karma is a bitch!
- Subtlety is key especially with celebrities. You may think you are being nice by indulging them with flattery, but the nicer thing to do, is just leave them alone!
- Smile when you walk down the street. I'm not saying full on teeth smile, but you'd be surprised how refreshing it is to pass someone who looks happy. Oh, and you never know who you're going to pass, it could be your big break!
- Don't burn bridges! Everyone knows each other in this city! You will be black listed before you can say "SJP" if you mess with the wrong person!
- Call your mother- or she will call you. Until you answer. And annoy you like hell. Oh, is that just my mother? Ok then, use when necessary!

*Happy Hour*

- This will be the best thing that has ever happened to you. Cheap drinks, discounted tapas and men in suits looking to impress! When all is said and done you are home and in bed (drunk) by eleven and have spent half as much money as a crazy night out!

*Tip Properly*

- Considering you will most likely work in the service industry at some point, it's a matter of karma. Tip your bartender, your cabbie and even your doorman. Trust me, they will be nicer to you and life will be easier! Think of 15% as being the bare minimum, 20% should be standard, and of course give more when deserved!

*Love Your Gays*

- Everyone has a gay best friend, but these fabulous people make the essence of the city. They have the best clubs, they always love to brunch, they never lie about clothes and hair, they love to gossip, they will never ever let you drink alone, they always enjoy a Barbara or Liza sing-a-long and they truly appreciate your breasts! Not only are they fabulous but they make you more fabulous when you are around them! (And if you ask nicely, they will usually make-out with you too!)

*F-R-I-E-N-D-S*

- Make them. Love them. Appreciate them. Be good to them. Good friends are hard to find and in NYC they become your family. Having people that make you happy and laugh, that kick you in the ass and hold your hair back when you puke are the only way you will make it day to day in this city. So if you thought you could do it alone, good luck, I'll be out with my girls!

The Russian!

I. TALKED. TO. FUCKING. BARYSHNIKOV!

Living in NYC and working in restaurants I've had my fair share of celebrity run-ins. But I only use the word 'met' when said person and I have exchanged words, when my presence has actually been acknowledged. I don’t care if I was possibly a mirage in their drunken state or even if they never fully focused on my face! They looked at me and said words (most of them coherent) to me!

 

My most recent fabulous NYC celebrity moment was with the most famous dancer in the world (and he's so pretty). He looks just as good as when he was on Sex and the City. If you haven't caught on yet, I met Mikhail Baryshnikov. I told my sister who I met and she was like "who?” UMMM, Google him! If you are not in the dance world you might remember him as the sexy Russian who was Carrie's love interest in the last season of the show, who whisked her off to Paris and never showed her the love she was longing for. Well he was sexy on that show and he's just as sexy now! Not a tall man, but a good looking one! It would have made it all even better if I saw him dance in person, but this was good enough.

To him, he was just another person, but to me he was BARYSHNIKOV! He was cordial and sociable. He wished me a good rehearsal and a beautiful day! I would have preferred to have not looked like a fat, shmucky dancer in soccer shorts and a TEXAS t-shirt, but it didn't matter! He was there; I spoke with him and got to add another fun name to my list of run-ins!

Some of my other favorites include:

Liza Minnelli- We met twice! Once in a dance class and once at an audition. It helped my former dancer teacher was friends with her and introduced us! She held my hands, called me beautiful and I piddled!

Matt Morrison- I was working the FOX Upfronts where the entire cast was mingling, but he was the one I spoke with! He passed me, took two steps back, stared down at my breasts, and then asked if my tray was for discards. After blushing and being slightly flattered, I remembered I was 'the help' and went back to hating my life!

Tim Daly- He was with his wife and daughter in my old restaurant. He was so good looking and very quite. I was composed, but my manager was not! He insisted we send over dessert even though he refused it twice! In the end he tipped well and left me with an up-close look at his smile!


Stay tuned for more fun filled NYC Celbrity Files!

In Dedication

I know you can barely believe that it's been a month since I've last posted and you can't wait for my usual commentary on life filled with bitter and jaded diatribes, catty bitchiness or self loathing, but you'll have to look elsewhere for the time being. Today's blog is a dedication to friends, family and the little angels that change your life when you least expect it.


I started this blog as a form of release and it has really helped me to work out some of my emotions and feelings. Even when I'm not posting, I’m writing.  This has become a form of therapy; it has helped me with my issues and I’m hoping that now it helps me to come to terms with a great loss.


There are moments in your life when you are tested. Will you sink or swim? Do you fight or fly? Are you strong enough to stand next to someone in their time of need and not say a word? Can you put aside your pain to care for someone who is grieving deeper than you? Do you know how to go with the flow and figure things out as they come along?


I met my best friend close to six years ago, and the day I met her she had her father in tow. It didn't take long to see not only was this vibrant, talented, passionate and endearing personality going to be a huge part of my life, but her family was going to be too! Over the years we've shared many a car ride, built lots of furniture for Jules’s apartments and enjoyed the many theatrical experiences that the city has to offer! I always enjoyed spending time with the 'fam', and truly felt like another daughter when I was toted along to dinners and holiday gatherings.

When I learned of Mr. R's passing my heart broke. Not only could I not imagine seeing his big and bright presence any more (literally big, he was well over 6 foot), but I couldn't possibly imagine the sadness my best friend was feeling. All I wanted was to be by her side and hold her hand. I felt her loss, but I saw her pain. There is nothing more jarring than watching your friend cry and know there is nothing you can say or do to make her feel better. So as I learned, you say nothing. You stand there. You stroke her hair and hold her hand until she either asks you for space or to get her a beer... and of course, you move without a second thought.

I'm not always sure what to say or how to act in certain situations, but I wanted to take care of everything possible, but there was very litle for me to do because of the amazing women who were buzzing around arranging each and every detail before it was even a spec of a thought. These angels were Mrs. R's friends. They were not only thoughtful, compassionate, caring and insightful but truly encapsulated the definition of true friends! Absolutely incredible! I wish my words could do them justice, but there are not enough ways to describe their beauty and grace as they glided across the room to ease the wait of people in line, or they way they grinned and bared it when the creepy funeral home director hit on them, or the absolute love that exuded from their every orifice as they held hands, passed out beers and cried softly when their friend needed to know she was not alone. These women were not only the symbols of unconditional love and friendship, but they were the angels sent down to not only protect the fragile heart of their dear friend but to show her she was not alone. I found myself not only wanting to be these women because of their organization, their quick thinking and strong shoulders to cry on, but the lives that they had created and were living fully. They had their careers, their children, their husbands, their friends, their trips, their fun, their Limoncello and their well timed sense of humors.


Those of us who got to know Mr. R were lucky, and those of us whom were fortunate enough to be loved by him were truly blessed. I will truly miss you Papa R! Thank you for all the car rides, the packing tips, the smiles, the hugs, the shows, the encouragement, the meals, the support and for sharing your love of music with me. What you did more than all those things though was provide an example of what true, unwavering and adoring love is. Each time you looked at your wife I knew I was in the presence of a perfect and soulful match, and now that I see it is out there I will strive to find it. But lastly, I must thank you for my best friend. She is a product of love, strength, encouragement and positivity. She is the best person I know, something she must have picked up from her two fabulous parents.  I promise to take good care of her, because she is not only my friend but my sister!

How Sweet It Is ...

... to be loved by you!



If you live in New York City, especially as an artist, you are aware of how often you need to take a look at your current path and reevaluate. Well, I'm no different. I'm always wondering what I'm doing with my life, I blame my mother for encouraging me to be a dancer! I'm not to the point where I'm really going to give up my dreams of performing, but I have become far more interested in adding choreographing and directing to my To-Do list.


My latest endeavor has been choreographing a solo for a Miss New York State contestant. I was never a beauty pageant ("scholarship program"- Miss Congeniality anyone?) girl, but I love a challenge. Not that working with the fabulous Claire Buffie has been a challenge at all! Claire is not only beautiful, intelligent and well spoken, she can dance (and she's not even a 'dancer'). I've never been involved with a hard-core pageant, so when I was approached to choreograph a solo for the talent portion, I was nervous yet flattered.

The challenge with a pageant is appealing to the masses and standing out! Talents can be anything from singing, dancing, baton twirling, anything- so establishing a stand-out is a little daunting! Claire is a fabulous dancer who excels in stage presence and has a fabulous penché, but a razzle-dazzle number was not what she had in mind! So now, I'm choreographing something full of heart and emotion, but it can't be too deep because it needs to be entertaining to the average eye!

 

Without giving anything away, I'm not about to tip off the competition, we came up with a fabulous solo! Oh, and did I mention it could only be 90 seconds! Not any easy task, but together Claire and I did it and in only a few hours! My best wishes go out to Claire! Good Luck and kick butt!

 

(Since it's always nice to have things written about you check out Claire's Blog to see what she said about me! Then Check out her fabulous photography and get in touch with her for all of your photo needs!)

http://misssoutheastny2010.blogspot.com/2010/04/ashley-becker-aaaaamazing.html

Just Lick It!

Ok... I swear... It's not that dirty! (Well I guess that depends on what you are thinking dirty is!)


I went out for one of my BFF's Birthdays (don't let previous blogs confuse you, I love you Neil), and ended up with an interesting night! I'll cut to the chase: I dropped my phone, my brand new blackberry in pretty light purple, in the toilet!

 

The night started off with a couple of cocktails of course, some chit chat and catch up with some old friends and ended up in the toilet! My phone was in the back pocket of my jeans and when I went to use the restroom I pulled down my pants and out popped my phone into the toilet bowl of the upstairs bathroom of The Irish Rogue! If you are anything like me (poor, stingy, electronically challenged) you take great pride in your possessions and take care of them like they are your children! My new investment was an extension of my arm. I loved that phone and all its beautiful features more than I could possibly express to you. The relationship that my Blackberry Curve and I had was the longest relationship I have ever been in. Three weeks of bliss! But I digress. So, pants are down around my ankles, phone is in the toilet, so obviously in thrusts my hand (into the toilet), and because this is how my life works... it gets stuck (the phone).

So picture this if you will: bar bathroom, pants around my ankles, squatting above a crappy bar toilet (you couldn't pay me to sit on that), purple Blackberry Curve in the toilet, my hand in the toilet trying to fish out said phone. FINALLY, I got the phone out and it was responding to my commands, yet it was oozing water. Thankfully the bathroom had a hand dryer so I did my business while holding the phone under the dryer. But, it didn't look good (for me or the phone).

 

I ran out of the bathroom to my best friend Julia, whom loves me unconditionally and knows me better than I know myself. Feeling comforted in the fact that my best friend would not only be helpful but would have sympathy for me I started crying about my phone's sad condition! She responded by laughing, pointing and laughing some more! After she was done 'consoling' me, she went into helpful helper mode and instructed me to lick the battery that she was now holding in her hand. Apparently this is a 'trick' to suck out the water from a phone battery that has come in contact with copious amounts of water. The first thought that I had was: I don't want to get electrocuted. The second thought I had was: I'm desperate. The third was: just do it.

Yes, I know what you are thinking! I should have probably prefaced that I am stupid, and when I drink I'm even stupider. So NO, thoughts such as: "How would a wet tongue help a wet battery?" or "this battery was in the TOILET" didn't go through my head. So there I stood in the middle of a bar licking my battery for all the patrons to see. Meanwhile I have Julia yelling in my ear: "You have to write about this! You have to write about this! Put this in your blog". Well, DUH, but at the time this was NOT helpful, I was a little busy at the time.


Just in case you were wondering, this "licking of the battery" did not work.  I was told that sticking my phone is a bag of rice would help. And because I carry a bag of rice in my gym bag everything was magically fixed! NOT! (Have you just met me? I don't get tidy wrap ups!). Anyways, not only do I not carry rice in my handbag, I don't even have rice in my apartment and I’m not sure that quinoa would have worked, though I didn't even bother to try!

Though my story wasn't short this is how my night ended with a broken phone and the next day started with a hangover. To clarify: I was drinking when I dropped my phone in the toilet, I got drunk after!

Crazy Cabby

My brother had this game for PS2 called 'Crazy Taxi' and I used to love it. You'd drive around big cities trying to get people to their destinations quickly and score points. Obviously you tried not to kill any bystanders or drive on the lawn but that didn't always happen.

Now, fast forward to 2010 in Manhattan. A Sunday night and a girl with a few glasses of merlot in her and a crazy cab driver. The ride started with him saying "GOOOOD MORNING" (Fuck). I gave him my address, grabbed my new blackberry and started plugging away at Facebook. He wouldn't start driving until he grilled me about Jackie Gleeson and why I never watched The Jackie Gleeson Show. (Um, I wasn't born).

Within the first three blocks, I knew that this guy was crazy. All I could think of is 'how is this going to end'. It very easily could have been the most hysterical cab ride of my life or the one that ended with me dead in the east river. The more we drove the more it felt like the later was the possibility (only me), so I kept updating my status on Facebook with my location and the cab number!


In the fifty blocks that it took to get to my apartment he showed me the weather in Manhattan and gave me a tutorial on how to use the around the world features on his iPhone. Mind you, this was all done while he was hanging through the small barrier (eyes on the road please). Next came the lecture on why I shouldn't get an iPhone: "This phone is bad news" WHY? "Because it's addicting and you will never get work done" WHY? "Because you can watch porn!"... And with that he was driving with his knees, was almost completely past the barrier with both hands on his iPhone showing me a porno in full stream (and I thought half the time was spent buffering).


I'm not sure if I was in shock, or if I was just tipsy (I did drunk dial my mother earlier), or that I just didn't want to get out to hail another cab in the rain (I'm lazy), but I stayed in the car! The guy was crazy! I could have died! But at least if I did, I would have been watching porn when it happened! Oh NYC, you never cease to amaze me!

Is this Nova?

 I've said it before- my family needs its own reality show! We are hysterical! And no, that's not just me saying this; it's all the people that have spent any sort of time with us! In my family we are all very unique personalities, so it's a good balance of sarcasm, stupidity, snarky, silly and outrageous jokes, actions and stories! But, when the 6 Becker's are in one room, anything and anyone is fair game! No one is safe when we are getting to a punch-line, and obviously the funnier one sibling is, the harder the others try to out do them!

Personalities:

Me- In case you haven't noticed, I'm very matter of fact. I call it like it is- then I heighten reality for dramatic effect! I also like to retell stories- sometimes I can be long winded, but I will always leave you laughing. (I’m the funniest).

Allison- She is naturally dramatic so her actions and comments are usually so extreme that either she's laughing at herself so hard (and everyone else is staring at her) or we are all dying from tears and laughter (and she is sulking). It's a rare occasion when both are happening at the same time, and still someone is usually left out of the equation.

Aaron- He is great at physical comedy. He's almost 6' tall and 200 pounds- but the kid can prance or roll or attempt to shove himself into an end table like no one else I know! But, Aaron is also very sensitive, so he's often the only one not laughing at something. Therefore Aaron's retaliation is not in fun or jest, but as shear revenge- usually low blows that are more difficult to brush off, no matter how good your sense of humor is.

Austin- He's the baby, so he's just coming into his funny. Austin's sense of humor is a mix of all of us, when he doesn't get performance shy- but usually he's so stupid that you can't help but get a giggle. (i.e. Rolling around in the snow in his underwear. Stupid? YES. Funny? OH YES. But Stupid? YES!)


Now, add my parents into the mix. My dad and I have the sarcasm covered, so a comedic moment is rarely missed with our commentary. Dad knows just how to push all of our buttons! The best accomplishment for any of us kids is getting him to laugh! His dry humor doesn't translate to out and out 'out bursts' of laughter, so when it happens you definitely get bonus points. And my mother? Naturally she finds all her kids funny (even when she shouldn't) and to be honest, her silly and harmless antics are often the brunt of our punch lines. But she always takes it in stride! Just don't tell her that she is judging you... she gets pissed!



So what do you get when you put 6 Beckers with some family, a few new friends, millions of strangers and rides? The Beckers in Disney!


Here are just a few of our antics:

Allison punched Aaron in the face. He was poking her to get her attention and Allison does not like to be touched, therefore Aaron got it square in the face! I obviously made fun of this ridiculousness for the next four days! Aaron did not find it funny, which made it even better for me!

Is this Nova? This was Austin's catch phrase for the week. He would walk up to a character and whisper in their ears "is this Nova?" to find out if the person inside was Allison's friend to whom Austin took a big liking to! To cut to the chase- Austin thinks he's black, Nova is black, and so they were brothers all week. I'm pretty sure that Austin even shed a tear when Nova had to say goodbye. Oh, I should mention that Austin is 16 years old, so a 16 year old boy running up to a furry creature in Disney is quite a site to see!

You are looking fabulous! This was how my mother woke us up every morning. This was how we left the suite every day and this is how we went to bed every night. My mother said this so much that I put her on a quota! Yes, it sounds mean but if you heard my mother saying it in her high pitched voice you would have done the same. The problem wasn't just that it was annoying, but that it was a flat out lie 90% of the time. Telling me that I look 'fabulous' does not have as much meaning when 2 hours earlier she said the same thing when I had toothpaste dried on my face, bed head and drool on my shirt.

Obviously this is just the tip of the iceberg as far as family stories go! It was non stop entertainment for 5 days. But for good measure I will leave you with this: pictures of us trying to fit into the coffee table (before we broke it)!

[Shout out to Heather, Lori, Jerry, Mary, Jerry, Sam, Sharon, Larry, Sharron and April for making our trip so great! And Nova...duh!]