Bartending = Crack

There is no other way to describe it- but sometimes, bartending is like crack. Though I will put out there on the record that I have never done crack, I just took D.A.R.E. and am aware of its characteristics! With that said, it is crazy how good holding cash in your hands can be! The kind of money that you can make sometimes is so addicting that there is no wonder why some people never leave the restaurant business. Which is yet another way that bartending is like crack- only crazy fuckers do it and don't think that it's killing them!

You can say as often as you'd like the following phrases, but it's always the same, you go back again and again for more:

*"It's only for now."

*"I know I need to make a change, but . . ."

*"I can quit at any time!"

*"It'll be ok, because I know I'm better than this!"

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah! These things are all well and good until you are holding this month's rent in your hand after one shift!



So what's the solution? Where's the rehab? I mean, most bartenders are alcoholics anyways (I'm not, though my mother may think I am teetering towards the edge), and we know there's a rehab for that. But how do you get rid of this high that you get when walking away from a long days work with mucho dinero in your hand? There are definitely the crack withdrawals in bartending- slow, no money days; stupid foreigners and bad managers; yet even when things are at their worst we hold out for that high! Ultimately, I think I'll have to hold out until I'm given the opportunity for performance high. I just hope I don't overdo on one before I have the chance for the other!

My 'Miss. America' Encounter

Empire State of Mind is my new favorite song. Not only because it's Jay-Z and Alicia (whom I love), but it's the message of hope, perseverance and the possibility of success and happiness in MY city. It's easy to forget you live in NYC when you are trapped behind a bar for 13 hours. The American Dream! RIIIIIGHT! My dad taught me how to properly pour a beer when I was 5, though I’m sure he'd prefer I actually used the degree in dance that he paid thousands of dollars for. But beggars can't be choosers!




I am officially dubbing Monday, December 28th as Black Monday. Who knew the Monday after Christmas would be the busiest day of the year? Not me, that's for sure. From start to finish we were slammed. I showed up showered, with freshly dyed black hair, a positive attitude and ready to go! I hate Monday doubles, but it was worth it to be able to go home for the Holidays. This fabulousness lasted all of 5 minutes, then the hair was up, the pens were shoved in their proper place and I was covered in orange soda. There was no way to handle the amount of people and drinks by myself. There were three people deep at the bar and tickets were spewing out of the machine at the service bar. I was the Tasmanian Devil. There was NO socializing, no small talk. My goal was to make drinks and make it out alive.

I know for a fact my personality went to shit! I was just trying to get by. Of course this whole time I was cursing my life. I was mentally screaming: "I can't believe I'm a bartender- I'm a dancer. I can't believe I have to wait on these idiots- I should be drinking Cosmos down the street with my girls." But apparently the Gods of NYC thinks they're funny, and at this exact moment of mental warfare who did they send into my bar? None other than Miss. Freaking America! Ok, no, not the real Miss. America, but the Miss. America of PPU.



I wouldn't go to the lengths of calling her my arch nemesis or even my worst enemy, but the fact is, I didn't like her. When we were in school she thought she was the shit. She was better than everyone, but in true pageant form these words would never come out of her mouth. She had this way of oozing superiority and smugness out of her fake smile and over "Maybelline-d" face. So now, she's standing in MY bar so she was holding the upper hand. But not only was she standing in MY bar, but I was definitely NOT in my best light (literally-overhead lighting-yuck). So to emphasize this once again, she was in MY bar and I had to wait on her entitled ass. Well, I would have waited on her if I didn't legit run to the other side of the bar after we exchanged 'pleasantries'.



HA-I showed her! Well, not really. If I've learned anything in the last 3.5 years of living in NYC it's 'fake it till you make it'. Well, it's a little difficult to do that when you are caught in the thick of it. My day to day life is uber exciting to people who have no concept of the actual difficulties of living as an artist in Manhattan, but she knows. And to top it all off, she is performing more than I am (most of it is Bumblefuck stuff that I don't even audition for), but in her mind she's better, she's more successful and was going to be getting drinks from me.  Except like I said, I ran away!



Boo, I say to you Gods of Manhattan. BOO!

Up in the Air

I’m thousands of miles above the ground and all I can think of is that I wish I bought mints before getting on the plane. Yes, I like to partake in fresh breath and oral hygiene. But what I’d really like to do is slip one in the mouth of the passenger sitting next to me. I know how incredibly ignorant and racist this may sound, but why do certain nationalities have ABSOLUTEZLY HORRIBLE BREATH?  And yes, this is coming from my experience will all of three people with this background, but each of them could have used an unlimited subscription to Altoids.

I’m one to talk though. I’m not exactly the spokes model for fresh and clean right now with my ridiculously unwashed hair and non shaved legs. I’m not sure when I decided that throwing baby powder in my hair and some Victoria’s Secret splash was washing my hair and body, but I’d like to go back to that time and kick my ass! Lately this has become the norm for me. I’m not a lazy person, and I definitely wash my body after exercising (wait, what’s that?), but it’s just not practical sometimes! Why would I wash my body of the simple syrup, beer and Buffalo sauce when I work 40 hours between four days? That’s just silly! Though, today I fully intended on showering and washing my hair, I just so happened to wake up two hours late! Stupid vibrate mode on my phone. I legit heard something vibrating, yet my response was “why is my roommate’s phone in here?” Is that not absolutely ridiculous? I blame my roommate for waking me up, yet I didn’t search out to find where the phone was (next to my bed) and return it to her. It was MY phone, with MY alarm going off, that was supposed to wake MY ass up so I could finish packing and then get to work.

Though I’m not surprised that I overslept. A part of me knew I was heading in the direction of self sabotage when I went to bed at two am and figured it would just be easier to get up at 7am to finish packing instead of just doing it then. This has become a pattern when I travel, it doesn’t matter if my flight is at 6 o’clock in the morning, or 6 pm at night, I always, with out fail, miss my alarm sending my heart racing and my mind running at a ridiculous pace calculating all the ways I fucked up the stream of events for my trip and how I am now bound to miss my flight.

I haven’t seen the new George Clooney movie yet, but I’m intrigued to see how someone responds to flying literally ALL the time. I make myself nacious for the entire day until I am on the ground at my destination. There is always so much to factor in when traveling, especially when you are flying in and out of Manhattan.

*First there is the financial factor. Do I spend the $20-45 and take a cab to get to the airport? Sometimes yes! Too much to carry, or not enough time. This can be a fine option if you need it, but not when traveling to Newark. I love my father for booking me a direct flight to Texas, but there is added stress when flying out of Newark. *So now, there is factoring in the trains. There is the subway to get you to Penn Station (hopefully everything is running on time), then there is the getting of the ticket and finding the right track to get your train at. I always look up the train times before I get to Penn Station and search on those little screens for the time, not the destination first. Usually JFK and EWR are listed on the screens, but they are not the final destination for the train, so I always get confused, and therefore have heart palpitations that I will get on the wrong train, or get off at the wrong stop. You have to leave plenty of time for the LIRR and the NJ Transit. Usually it’s about 40 minutes to get from Penn to the Airport, but you never know, especially when you then have to factor in the AirTran. As stressful as this can be, it’s worth the $8-15 it costs one way…I’m cheap and poor, and Daddy ain’t paying for everything.

The best thing I did though was plan on only carrying on my luggage. Luggage fees are astronomical, not to mention this time of year leaves a lot to be imagined when checking luggage. Who knows who's going through your bags and what little things they may be needing for their own Christmas shopping? When I went to Cabo with my family in June, our flights were canceled, yet our bags still ended up in Mexico.  when we got there we were so excited to see our bags were at the airport we didn't even think about the fact that they had been sitting unattended for 48hours.  Needless to say, when unpacking our things at the resort we were missing everything from Q-tips, to flat irons, to shoes and new clothes.  So I have since learned my lesson when traveling at peek times of the year, and always factor in the destination.  Not to mention, waiting in line to get to the check-in counter is a pain in the ass and I much prefer the kiosk screens and self-printing tickets!

When all is said and done, I know it’s not worth stressing over. But when it comes to going home, or on vacation, my time is important and I can’t afford to miss a flight, or pay hundreds of dollars on transportation and fees. I’d far rather spend that money on shoes! So, for the next 2hours and 45minutes I will continue to educate myself on the Raw food Detox Diet, while holding my breath and looking out the window in avoidance of my neighbor to the right of me!

(P.S. Did you know that some fligths still serve meals?  I couldn't believe it.  They were handing out trays of hot sandwiches and I assumed they were for purchase.  NOPE.  She offered one to me, and of course I was starved, but couldn't eat it- BBQ Turkey on white, will watered down salad and a Twix bar, but still I was amazed.  It worked out anyways, they gave me my little wine bottle for free!  I would much rather drink on my flight than eat anyways!)

The picture op top is of me sleeping at the Airport in the way to Cabo, my sister though I needed a mint!

... and the City

As I walked down the cobblestone streets of the Meatpacking District in my 5 inch heels, with my three best ladies I realized how fabulous and Sex and the City like my life actually is. Unfortunately, the only thing missing from our City lives is the... SEX! No, my girls and I are not virginal by any means, but the endless list of men that parade in and out of the bedrooms of our on screen alias' is NON existent!




I can understand why the show is such a huge part of women's lives. I've been watching the DVDs in sequential order and find that I can relate or apply some of the 'lessons' if you will to my every day life.  Any group of four friends, that likes shoes and brunch, men and cosmos will match their personalities to the lovely and extreme ladies of SATC.  We try to copy the clothes, the hair, the lifestyles... yet the one thing we can't seem to replicate is the sex part. It is NOT easy to find a man to even make-out with in this city. They are either creepy or M.I.A. when mingling at the local watering holes.

Every time we go out we wind up in female dominated hotspots where the men are either taken, or gay! This was until we found our new favorite trendy bar in Meatpacking. When arriving in our high high heels, cute dresses and bags of goodies we pushed our way to the host stand through a through a heap of MEN! So this was where they were hiding all the men on the island! Not only were they men (as in not small children), they were cute (as in HOT), they were intelligent (as in self-sufficient), and successful (as in financially stable).  And most importantly, they were single, as in no wedding ring hiding in the jacket pocket!  No nanny's to get home to relieve, no wife in the Hamptons.  These were eligible and attractive men! They were flirtatious with an edge of forwardness, who made smooth conversation starters.  They told us we were beautiful, and I actually believed it (I'm quite jaded). Yet none of us left with one of these openly available men!

WHY? The facts: we are four very good looking girls, we are smart and witty, we know how to hold up our end of a conversation and our liquor.  We are classy, yet flirtatious.  Forward but not pushy.  Confident but not arrogant.  With all this, what does it take to get the guy you want to take your number to...take your number? Why is it always that the guy you humor with conversation just to get him away more quickly is the one that seeks you out and harasses you for your number? Why is it when you finally decide to be bold and make a move the cute, flirtatious shy guy legit turns you down? This would not happen to Carrie or Samantha. Their night would have ended up in bed with said man, or at least with an exchange of the digits. And worst of all, they wouldn't have needed to initiate the exchange, and they wouldn't have been turned down! When do the circumstances of my life work out like theirs?



Where have all the good men gone? I live in New York City.  This is a thriving Metropolis.  There are millions of single men living withon a few hundred blocks.  So why is it that all the good ones are either taken, gay or uninterested?  I refuse to believe that there is not one single man out there that not only lives up to my standards but is also attracted to me!  I'm tired of sitting home on a Friday night wondering when I will be sitting with a man instead of my roommate (not that she's not fabulous). But at the same time, I'm tired of trying and being turned down. I'm tired of putting in the effort, making the move and having it being thrown back in my face. And I swear to God, if I hear that I'm just too intimidating, or too beautiful one more time... I will throw up this person who refuses to come up with a better lame ass lie!  Hilary Clinton is succsessful and some might say intimidating yet she's married (to a cheat, but still).  Heidi Klum is not only stunningly beautiful, but is savvy and successful and she has Seal.  So why is there no man out there that will follow through in simple tasks such as asking for my number or taking me to dinner?  Where is my man?  I'm hoping he's at my new favorite restaurant, because with the overwhelming man to woman ratio we saw last night, we are going back every Thursday!

Enough With The Arms!

I love this time of year! Not just because of Christmas, Hanukah and Kwanza. And no, I'm not anticipating a new year’s kiss. I love the TV and magazine specials that come with the end of the year rituals. Come on, who doesn't love seeing Johnny Depp on the cover of PEOPLE? I knew he was sexy, but isn't it fun seeing him being deemed 'Sexiest Man Alive'? I eat it up! I love the countdowns. The best and worst dressed lists of the year. The recaps of celeb faux pas! I even love the Barbara Walters special. I don't love her, but I usually love the people she titles the 'Most Fascinating of the Year'.



The special this year left me irritated to say the least. Lady Gaga, Adam Lambert-cultural phenomenons. Sarah Palin, Kate Gosselin- Hot Messes, but news worthy. There were others obviously but the one that pissed me off was #1. Yes, Michelle Obama is fascinating. She's the First Lady of the United States. She sleeps next to the most powerful man in the world. That's incredibly fascinating. But to introduce her by saying her arms are the most fascinating part about her is trivial and insulting. If I was Michelle Obama I would have drop kicked Barbara's ass. We all need to move on to a new hot topic. Yes, she is beautiful. Yes, she has a great body. Yes, her arms are jacked. But did we forget that she graduated from Harvard Law School? And who cares that she is an advocate for women's rights, and promotes the organic/green movement when she inadvertently became the spokes model for J. Crew and Gap? Maybe if we as a society took a break from McDonalds and Cold Stone and ate an apple we'd finally have those Obama Arms! Just because it's says apple in apple pie, does NOT mean it's good for you!



It just pissed me off that Barbara Walters; a top journalist fell into the tricks of the jaded celebrity headlines and announced that Michelle Obama’s arms were probably more fascinating than she was! BOO Babawa Wawas, BOO! I love you Mama Obama, and not just because you would kick my ass in a street fight!

A League of My Own

If you have ever seen the movie a League of their Own, you can join me in rejoicing to the heavens that it is one of the best movies ever. I would clutch onto my VHS copy and bring it with me to any place that had a room with a VCR. My sister and I would go with my dad to his office on the weekends and he'd put us in the conference room with the projection screen so we could watch it like we were at the movie theatre. Of course when you are a kid you miss the little things. I mean Tom Hanks was grabbing his crotch, drinking out of a flask and making lewd comments, yet all that seemed to stick were things like 'There's no crying in baseball.' The things that stand out to you as a kid are not the same things that you take away from a movie as an adult. It' like a whole new movie to me now. It's an even better movie to me now!

I remember loving it as kid because I loved to play softball, and I loved to play dress up...so seeing women play my favorite sport in dresses was the best! Now I love it because it reminds you of the importance of friends, and family. Kit and Dottie’s relationship reminds me of mine and my sister Allison’s. She’s never thrown a baseball at my head, we have had our fair share of pillow fights, launched phones and face against a wall moments. I don't think Allison would ever blame me for the some of the difficulties in her life, but I'm sure it's not easy to be in the shadows of an older sister doing the same thing as you. Allison is not lacking in any sort of talent, but she's just walking down a road that I have already started to pave. I know if it were me, I’d rather have the gravel at my feet and the openness to choose the path. Of course I encourage her to do this, but there are always going to be people with biased and ignorant opinions commenting on her life via what I’ve done with mine. It can't be easy...but at the same time, she throws things at me, so my sympathy only goes so far!



I love the emphasis on friends in the movie as well. Since living in NYC I've learned how important it is to surround yourself with good, strong people. Though I believe friendships require work and attention, the best ones come out of nowhere! The people in my life right now, who I know would bail me out of jail, or water my plants in a hurricane, are the people whom I never expected to be so close to! Good friends are hard to find, so when you stop looking, they find you! It’s just up to you to not let them get away!

The last thing that I can take away from this movie now, is that there is always a time for a 'song and dance'! If you are good at something, shine. If you love something, work at it. There is no reason to sit on the sidelines when you can be in the game. And if you are gonna be in the spotlight, you better give 'em a damn good show!

Fatty McFat Fat!

I haven't been doing a very good job about writing frequently. I love to write, and I'm having a fabulous time with this blog, but everything I have to say lately seems a little superficial. And it's the Holidays, so I don't  want to be wasting people's prime internet time with 'I feel fat', 'there's a new chick at work and she's prettier than me', and 'I'm fat'. And as far as updates on my job go, it's the same old crap, just a different tourist day. Basically, you can change the accent and the hair color, but at the end of the day it's still the same old beers and the same shitty tips. Only difference now is that there are double these people in the same amount of time, so the shitty/no tips add up to help with my wad of cash at the end of the shift.

I’ve decided that in the New Year I'll have more energy for a new attitude. It's gonna be a new year, a new decade and a new me! I'm gonna get back to the gym (as opposed to making excuses like I've been doing the last month). I’m gonna try new things: trapeze, ballroom and cooking classes. I'm gonna get back into photography; I got the camera, now I just need the models. I'm gonna work towards healthier habits: better eating, less drinking! I'm just waiting for the year to come to an end so I can get this fresh start under way! I know I could start now, but I just don't feel like it! I do better with goals and time frames!



Something I have learned in this last month of what I like to call 'sloppy laziness' is how good it feels to get all gussied up! I went out last night with a good friend and he commented on how beautiful I looked. He's known me for half my life, and it never gets old hearing how nice you look, especially when you know he means it! So when I feel bad about sitting on my ass eating dark chocolate covered raisins, I remember how nice it feels when I put a little work into my appearance, so I put down the chocolate and grab the grapes!



So the moral of this blog: don't sweat the small stuff, set goals to keep you moving, everybody is a little fatty sometimes!

Tis the Season...to love New York!

If you actually keep track of my blogs you may remember that I've been a little 'under the weather'! Well, I guess I'm allowing excuses for myself to not do the things I know I should be doing. So during this time I have been catching up with some old friends: Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte from Sex and the City courtesy of the complete series on DVD. I just can't get enough of this show. I know...me and every other 18-60 year old woman in the country! I think that the show was so brilliant in capturing the true essence of New York City. The good, the bad and the fabulous are all on this show and it made me think of all the things I love and am grateful for that you can only get in New York.


I LOVE:

* The Holidays in New York- the tree, the lights, the giant crystal snowflake over Fifth Avenue. I love that for three weeks people say things like "Have a beautiful Christmas", "I wish you a happy holiday season", and if you work with Hispanic people "Feliz Navidad!".

* That it is totally acceptable to have mustard in your fridge and vodka in your freezer. And nothing else!

* People commend you for shopping at Fairway; getting everything you need, not killing an Upper Westside Jew, and not being killed by an Upper Westside Jew!

* You are totally forgiven for staying inside your apartment when it is raining, snowing or windy.

* Your best friends are your family.

* Westside market, Duane Reade, Tasti-D-Lite, Crumbs, H&M.

* Men in suits.

* Men in suits who pay for drinks.

* Riverside Park, especially the Boat Basin.

* Christmas Tree stands.

* Saying I live in New York City.

* Seeing the same people every day, never knowing their names, but missing them when you don't see them for a while!

* Having 32 different Chinese, Thai and Pizza options within 10 blocks!

* Running into celebrities on the streets.

* Walking onto filming sets!

* Impromptu Luncheons.

* Brunch!



I'm Grateful For:

* Starbucks on almost every corner.

* Bodegas on every corner and open 24 hours.

* Being able to buy a 40 of almost every kind of beer/mixed bottle drink.

* $10 manicures.

* Student Rush Tickets.

* The 24hr Apple store on Fifth Ave.

* The public access to the bathrooms at the Marriott Marquise.

* Drinking and NOT driving!

* A job that allows me to afford expensive dinners at 5 Star restaurants (every once in a while)!

* Friends who understand how fabulous yet challenging it can be to live in Manhattan!


I mean...who wouldn't want to live here!?  It's my city!  It's my home!  This is my reality!  This is my life!  I love it!

The Niche!

I don't know if these words will ever come out of my mouth (fingers) ever again, but Joy Behar had a totally enlightening statement on The View today. I don't watch the program often, mostly because Elisabeth irritates the shit out of me, but sometimes it proves to be entertaining and thought provoking.

One of today's Hot Topics was about Alec Baldwin and a statement he made about his career being a failure. Umm, ok Mr. Baldwin, the fact that we can say your name without having to say 'from blah blah blah' means you have done something notable. Aside from a long list of movies and SNL appearances, there's this little show known as 30 Rock. It's no big deal; he's only won 2 Emmy's, 2 Golden Globes and 2 SAG Awards for this role, as well as received dozens of other nominations including an Academy Award.



From what I can understand, Alec feels he has had a lack of success with his career because he has never had the ability to lead a film on his own accord and status. Ok, so he's no Brad Pitt. No one's denying this, but the fact that you can star alongside Meryl Streep means you must be doing something right! I, being someone trying to get into the business and find my own levels of success listen to this statement and immediately get pissed! How dare he look at his list of credits and undertakings and chalk it all up as failure. But I guess when looking at it deeper you see that even within success and fame, can be levels of failure. When you have been the supporting male, you want that chance to be a leading man. When you've played the supporting husband, father and boss you are waiting for the story to function around you! I get that, but what if it's just not for everybody? Is that a reason to throw in the towel, which he plans on doing when his 30 Rock contract is up.



Joy's comment to the situation was that "when you are a creative person, it's harder to find your niche". Suddenly it all clicked, though I say that while biting my tongue! If Alec Baldwin can look at his career with glaring eyes, feelings of frustration and an overwhelming sense of failure is he just blind or looking for more? This is a problem I find myself in quite often. I guess my calling myself a creative person is a little presumptuous, but I think I have moments. There are a lot of things that I think I am good at: dancing, teaching, choreographing, cooking, taking pictures, working out, maybe even singing and acting depending on who you ask. So I can relate with Mr. Baldwin when you feel like you are missing something and never quite reaching the level you aspire to be at...but who's to say this is the right venue in which you are meant to excel at?



I would love to know when it's the right time to hone in on a different strength, not saying to give up on the one you are currently running with, but to maybe attempt to multi-task! So good luck to you Alec Baldwin in your search for your niche, I'll be right next to you (in spirit)!