I'm in Miami, B*!%#

I had someone tell me today "Miami is like Vegas, what happens here, stays here!" Well, she was talking about a dress, but even that doesn't begin to touch the differences of Miami and my home of NYC. I've turned my living here into a social experiment, partaking in activities of the 'locals'. I don't do that tourist crap (except for taking picture of Ocean Drive, the old time look of the hotels is gorgeous).

Here are some of my findings, the good, the bad and the skeezy!

First difference would be the act of the greeting. In New York, we are very social people; everything about that city screams interaction. I never would have thought myself unfriendly until I started to meet people down here. In New York it is standard to shake hands with someone upon an introduction, down here, that handshake turns into a pulled in hug/shake with a kiss on the cheek. It doesn't matter who you're meeting, guys, girls, gays or your friends parents...there will be a kiss, so instead of looking shocked, embrace it! Personally, I'm a hugger/cheek kisser, so I love it! But I have noticed that my handshakes/hugs are slightly too aggressive for the social graces and pleasantries of Miami.

Next would be the acceptable social hours. In New York, time is of the essence, you get up early, max out your day to the second with meetings, social gatherings, errands and allotted transportation time. Even though the bars are open until 4am it is not unlikely to find a New Yorker max themselves out at happy hour and happily in bed by midnight. In Miami, midnight, is the starting hour. You can't even begin to contemplate leaving for a night on the town before 1130 at the earliest, and being home before 4am is considered a slow/early night! I don't know where I muster up the energy, but somehow I’m able to sustain social functioning capabilities, unfortunately, I'm then out of commission until at least 10:30am the next day, which for me is a waste of the early hours!

Now we move on to wardrobe! Something I've noticed in general no matter what city you live in is that women invest thousands of dollars on their wardrobes: shoes, dresses, skirts, shirts, bathing suits, purses and jewelry to name a few, yet no matter how much time and money exist in the space of their closet, women will ALWAYS borrow from a friend when going out! I am NO different! I packed two suitcases to the brim to come down to Miami, filled with all the objects I thought were Miami appropriate, yet the past two weekends I have worn at least one object that belongs to my roommate, leaving half of my personal clothes untouched. Like I mentioned earlier, I was shopping in this boutique on Washington and picked up this fierce metallic/silver leather looking studded dress to which my response was 'If I ever was able to get away with wearing this dress, I would buy it now', to which the salesgirl responded 'But of course you can, you're in Miami, it's like Vegas, what happens here stays here!' Fortunately for me, well I guess it's fortunate, the dress looked like shit on me, so I was able to walk out of the store keeping my credit card in tact, but therefore opening up the conversation that I needed a completely different wardrobe down here and trust me, there are plenty of reminders of that ever time you leave your apartment. You go to a club and there is always some new shorter hotter brighter more see through top that you just have to have. My favorite thing to do is strike up convos with girls in the ladies room to see who and what they are really wearing! And 9 out of 10 times...they borrowed it from their roommate! It's been fun shaking up my outfit choices since being down here, but I'm seriously ready to be able to wear my modest yet sexy looking cocktail dress to get attention, instead of the near chocha exposing site to be what gets the attention!

And lastly I must touch on the skeezy. Sorry Miami, but I've found a city in which it is harder to find a suitable mate than NYC! There seems to be no winning no matter where I am, but in Miami, I've never been so turned off by the male species. There are certain things that are unavoidable when leaving the safety of your four walled apartment. There is the shouting at by cars passing by, the honking of horns and dirty smiles by men that make me cringe (though this also happens in NYC). But down in Miami there are also vast amounts of small children running around pretending to be adults, I don't care if your 21, if you're still in college then we are not going to be having any further convos because you still like to do keg stands! next there are the men that think they are so beautiful and that they are god's gift to this planet that they think it is acceptable to threaten to beat up a girl and not think I’m going to beat their ass down if they so much as take another step in my direction. And lastly, there are the men that though they may be beautiful to look at, and though he may be saying all the right things, you need to ask him if he has herpes before you so much as have a drunken make-out session. Now THAT'S a buzz kill!

Dear Men of Miami,

Button your shirt. Put away the baggie of coke. No, it is NOT ok that you have less hair than I do. Please warn me if I'm going to be getting the 'herp' from sharing a sip of your drink. And stop being so God Damn Gross and Skeezy!

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Ashley

(representative of the women of the world)