Tuesday, October 27, 2009

And so it begins (1)

I love that I was sitting on the subway the other night with a plastic cup of Pinot Grigio. The ticks and perks of being a bartender. It's really not that bad of a job. When I started this blog I was hoping to share all my rants about waiting tables. You know, all the things that come along with being a 'servant' to New Yorkers and tourists, all the while 'living the dream' of being a dancer in the city! But since coming back and being full time behind the bar, I don't feel that the stories are nearly as entertaining. Good for my sanity- bad for my blogging!

I've been working in restaurants for years, so after a while things start to become 'o-too-familiar'. Stories repeat, drama is the same. I read Waiter Rants. I would say that every waiter needs to read it... but most likely every waiter has already experienced it.



There are some stories though that stick out in my head as far as personal experience goes. Such as when I almost got in a physical fight with a big, black, homeless woman! She comes around every summer when we have the outside cafe set up. Usually she asks for water or coffee, we will give her a plastic cup, and she will leave. But not this day. She found it necessary to pop a squat. Steal fries out of the bus tub. Lick all the spoons in the ketchup. And lastly, curse me out, calling me a 'mother-fuckin' bitch' and then tried to judo-chop my ass.


Then there is the time that my roommate was thrown up against a wall by the chef of our old restaurant. He thought it was necessary to pin her in, scream in her face, then fire her. What did she do to provoke him you ask? She didn't take the fourth refill of bread to a table at the exact moment he asked. No, it didn't matter that I was doing it, she didn’t; therefore physical abuse from the 300lb Cuban man, who just so happened to be recently released form jail for fronting the largest coke trafficking ring, EVER! Mama would have killed me if she knew that phrases such as: 'you better take care of table 42, that's our dealer and you know that he's packing!' were said to me more than once. Oh dear! Thankfully, I got out of there!


The fun times never cease to amaze me in the restaurant business. But have no fear, the fun/trashy stories will begin soon enough, and when they do...I will be here to entertain you!


Bartender Ashley, OUT!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

O the subway...

Anyone who lives in NYC is aware that every ride on the subway is an interesting experience. A simple ride to work can be inundated with crazies, weirdoes, hustlers and the occasional cute boy! Today was no different. Well, it wasn't the most entertaining ride I've ever had but just kind of made me giggle.



I have started to do some writing while on the subway rides to and from work. Since I don't have the time to be at my computer all day long like I was in Miami, I will spend the transportation time writing my thoughts out which makes writing my blog a little more time efficient! Well today I was standing up when I got on the train with my huge bag from Bed, Bath and Beyond and stood overtop of a woman writing in her own notebook. Sure, this wasn't the most appropriate thing to be doing...reading her 'journal', but it was just an interesting perspective for me. Some of my favorite things she wrote were: "I need music. I need my guy. I need an IPod." Then she paused for a few minutes, and then wrote: "Life is too short not to have an IPod." I thought that this statement was hysterical! I'm sure that if people read what I wrote some times they would think it was stupid or trivial as well, but this just cracked my shit up! And then what I thought was an interesting statement was "O, the life I live, and the life I want."


That last statement was very interesting to me. I know I've said that before, maybe just in different words, but still, seeing it come from another person just made me stop and think. What more does she want from life? I don't know her; I've never seen her before and will never see her again. But what is it that she's missing?


God, I just love New York. Walking down the street every day, seeing people, watching them interact with each other or their pets, or even just the way they bop down the street while listening to their IPods. These things are so silly, and trivial, but they give me some of the best internal conversations! I'm so intrigued to know more about the people you see every day, or even the ones that you know you will never see again. I would LOVE to stand on the street one day and stop people who are listening to music and see just what they are listening to at that moment. Because you know that the big burly black man is going to be listening to Barbara or Liza and I want to totally call him out!



So I suggest you go outside while it's nice out and enjoy the passers by. And if it's too cold for you, hop on the subway. I would say "save a crazy for me," but they flock to me anyways!

(the pic is from my favorite NYC tradition: no pants day on the subway)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Wedding 'Bug'

Why is it that once your friend gets married that they try to ensure a speedy road to the alter for you as well? And it's not even just friends that try to do it, its co-workers, former classmates and then of course the bridal shop people. EVERYONE thinks that just because they are doing it, you need to do it too! Well, that's what people used to think about weed, and I still have never done it!



It has gotten to the point now where I feel like everyone I know is pairing off. And this of course leads to marriage for most, and do I dare mention...kids! I'll facebook stalk people from high school and then cry myself to sleep when I see that I am still the single girl. And I'm not just single as in not married, or in a relationship. I'm the epitome of single. I'm the friend that gets invited to weddings and is places at the table by the bar. I'm the friend that gets paired up with the only other single man at the wedding. I'm the one whose friends throw a party every time she goes on a date.



I mean don't get me wrong. I couldn't be happier for my friends. And I'm not anti-marriage, or relationships...I just don't have a very good (or long) track record! But I would like to get married. Someday. You know... a good 10-15 years from now! So to my dear married friends: thank you for your concern as far as my personal life goes. But thrusting your single male friends at me is not going to force the wedding 'bug' any more down my throat. A- I hate insects. B- I don't eat them either.

I did have a good experience today though with a friend from college and her quest for the perfect dress. I must say, it was quite a pleasure going shopping with her! She basically just needed an outside opinion so she could make a final decision. Well, let me just tell all you brides to be out there...if you are looking for a brand of dresses to try: La Sposa! The dresses in this line are not only beautiful, but they are made to fit a woman's body. No boxy frames. No large unflattering ass silhouettes! Plus, after shipping, alterations and the dress itself, she's looking at less than $2000! And it's a beautiful dress that will be hand made for her fabulous body!


Hopefully La Sposa is still making fabulously beautiful dresses ten years from now. So if ya'll can hold out, trust me- I'll deliver a fabulous party. I mean, I don't live completely under a rock, I do think about wedding plans! But until then... bring on the booze, bring on the cake and bring on the "Shout" song. Mama's gonna dance!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Shopping Advice!

Ok, so I am trying to find furniture for my apartment and I'm having no luck. My roommate is fabulous and has furnished the entire living/kitchen area, as well as decorated, hung artwork and configured the little space we have in the bathroom. I have hung one thing in my room, and it's crooked! I have no money and A LOT of ideas. Problem is, aside from the money thing, I have an idea of what I want to do and what I want my room to look like, but I can't seem to make it happen!

Today I did some walking around and popped into some places while looking for furniture. I spent about an hour in ABC Furniture. This place is 6 floors of amazing furniture, decor and personal items. I would furnish my life with this store, if I wasn't broke. But if you can drop $1,500 on a night stand, be my guest. If anything, it's fun to walk around and get ideas.

I also love to go into Urban Outfitters and rummage around the home decor section. Sadly I feel like their home furnishings have diminished. There used to be tons of furniture and decoration ideas, now it's a lot of crappy little nick-knacks, but there are still great colors to give you ideas.

I really want to find a good thrift/vintage shop for some fun furniture and decorations, so if anyone knows one that won't break my bank, I'd totally be game!


ABC Furniture
888 Broadway (at 19th Street)


Urban Outfitters
72nd and Broadway
3rd Ave btwn E59th and E60th
(and more)

Regina is 'Spektor'-ular

Last week I went to the Regina Spektor concert at Radio City Music Hall. First off: Radio City is just beautiful, someday I will be there at the Tony Awards receiving Best Choreography in a Musical and watching my fabulous friends accepting their Best Actor/Actress awards. But until then, I'll go to fabulous concerts like Regina’s.




I only know five of her songs, but she played four of them so I definitely got my money's worth. I absolutely loved how chill the show was. There were no mosh pits, or people running up and down the aisles. I mean, people were drunk, that's for sure, but her concert was one of those that you could just sit back in those plush seats, listen and enjoy. I think that her music is incredibly smart and powerful. The lyrics are so beautiful and true to life, love and art. She has a great way of turning run-on thoughts/sentences into amazing phrases. I think I love that about her music because I am the queen of run-on sentences. I could talk, talk, talk and ramble until I’m either out of breath or my brain just stops, which has happened before when I start to ramble and forget to let my brain catch up to my mouth! Unfortunately I'm not profound and poetic like Miss. Spektor though.



Another plus to this concert is how seriously adorable she was. Quirky, perky and you can tell slightly socially awkward! I would LOVE to have lunch with her and just see what she has to say, it could either be a moving convo where she has this unique intelligence, or could be Jessica Simpson; dumb as a skunk!



I love her new song 'Laughing with God'. So moving and insightful. Her range of topics and styles is incredible and she always leaves you wanting more. I would really love to choreograph a show to her music. Well, what I really want is to choreograph movement into her live concerts, I think contemporary and modern dance would move so well to all she has to say in her music. Regina + live dance = my goal/dream!

"Laughing With" by Regina Spektor


No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war.
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor.
No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests.
No one’s laughing at God
When it’s gotten real late
And their kid’s not back from the party yet.

No one laughs at God
When their airplane start to uncontrollably shake.
No one’s laughing at God
When they see the one they love, hand in hand with someone else
And they hope that they’re mistaken.


No one laughs at God
When the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news, sir.
No one’s laughing at God
When there’s a famine or fire or flood.


But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke.
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way.
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious.
Ha ha.


No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war.
No one’s laughing at God
When they’ve lost all they’ve got
And they don’t know what for.
No one laughs at God on the day they realize
That the last sight they’ll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes.
No one’s laughing at God when they’re saying their goodbyes.

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke.
God can be funny,
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way.
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus.
God can be so hilarious.

No one laughing at God in hospital.
No one’s laughing at God in a war.
No one’s laughing at God when they’re starving or freezing or so very
poor.


No one’s laughing at God.
No one’s laughing at God.
No one’s laughing at God.
We’re all laughing with God.





Saturday, October 17, 2009

I Hate Moving!

I am so sorry that I have gone almost a week without a blog! That was totally not the plan, but with moving, starting back to work and not having internet, my blogging became difficult.




In case you were wondering... I got the place! Yay. But here's the thing, Columbus Day '09/Moving Day was one of the most on edge days I have experienced in a long time.  I seriously wanted to scream: "You are ruining moving day for us!" at everyone I came across.  Those of you who are fans of Friends with remember the episode where the boys move into the girl's apartment!




Here's a timeline of the events:

8am- I woke up, checked my e-mails and texts, crossed my fingers and said a prayer the day would go well.

9am- This should have been the time I met with the broker to sign the papers, but he was doing our credit check, so we technically didn't know if we had the apartment or not...Irritating.

10am- I show up at Budget to pick up my van to empty my storage space. I HATE dealing with these types of places. A- They make me feel stupid. B- They treat you like a piece of shit. C- I feel like it's always a scam because there are always added prices and fees. BULLSHIT!

1030am- Budget doesn't have the van I asked for, so they upgrade me to a larger truck. It ended up working out better spatially, but I was scared shitless driving this thing...it was HUGE. (That’s what she said! Ba Dum Chi)

11am- The fabulous T. Mack meets me and helps me to unload my Mini Manhattan Storage Space. It was much easier than we thought it would be!

1115am- I get word from my roommate that we just need one more form signed by my Dad and we will be good to go. Thank God!

Noon- T. Mack and I go to Sleepy's to pick up my bed. Of course they don't have the frame and the mattress protector, but at least I have the truck and don't have to pay for delivery. T and I have to carry the mattress out to the truck ourselves, which was fine, but then had to lift it about 6 feet to put in the truck. The plastic bag got caught on something so I climb in, under and around boxes to untangle it. At the same time I very nice man in the truck double parked behind us comes over and offers to help. Too bad I was behind the mattress when he shoved it and ended up on my ass in a pile full of broken glass.

1230pm- T. Mack and I revel in the fact that we look like serious trucker girls and eat our subway sandwiches!

1pm- After dropping off T at the bus stop, and almost hitting a crossing guard, I head uptown to unload and sign the papers.

2pm- After leaving my truck double parked, I have signed the papers to my new apartment and have the keys in hand.

430pm- With no help from my friends (love you guys, but this was not an easy process by myself), we have unloaded mine and my roommate's trucks into our apartment. This was after 80 trips on the scary freight elevator that was the size of a small bathroom. You couldn't fit more than a dresser in the lift at a time...this made it a long process.

445pm- I'm very excited that I can drop my truck off early, so I hop in the driver's seat and what happens? The stupid truck won't start. Now I spend 15 minutes on the phone with the emergency services for Budget, and after being yelled at and told that I broke the truck and would have to suffer the expenses, my roomies dad gets the truck started but says "Don't turn it of till you get there, because it might not start again!".

530pm- After stopping for gas with the truck running, I drop it off at Budget and basically once again get yelled at for being a "stupid girl, and a bad driver". You can kiss my business good-bye!

630pm- Indulge in pizza for the first time in months! Mama was hungry!

Midnight- First night in my own bed, in my own apartment!



The place looks great. My roommate is a peach. As in sweet, not as in form Georgia.

Monday, October 12, 2009

New York, I Love You... (2)

New York, I love you...but you are either trying to give me a coronary heart infarction, or are trying to make me bust through my pants.


I hate moving. Moving in New York City is one of the most painful processes to go through, and to top it off, the most costly expense you come across. Each time I turn around my credit/debit cards are being pulled out of my wallet or I'm fielding more stupid phone calls from 'so called' professionals. I have been on edge for the last three days since I found the place I want to live in, and why, because people are stupid!


It is amazing how patient I have grown over the last three years, especially the last month, but I'm coming close to my limit. The last thing someone moving in New York City wants is lies, and more expenses. My roommate and I were told we could move in Monday, so we acted on it. I canceled my storage unit, hired a budget van, and bought a mattress. All of these things were planned and scheduled, and then at 7pm on Sunday night we get a call saying 'Oops, sorry, you can't move in until Tuesday, we never did your credit check'. BASTARDS! Then they had the audacity to say we were too pushy, and then were warned that the management had a six month time frame immediately after signing the lease during which they could kick out uncooperative tenants! Why am I always being threatened by stupid people? We have done nothing but follow up on the status of our application, and then acted based on what we were being told, and yet we are being threatened before the lease has even been signed. And what kills me, is that these people get away with it because they KNOW we want the apartment. And if I had the money, and the time and the mental capacity I would say 'Peace Out' and look for another place. But I want this one, especially considering the brain power (and money) that has already been lodged into it.


So I sit here, on the couch of my friend’s apartment, while they are at a movie, because my heart was beating so fast that I wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself if I had gone. O, and since I'm an emotional eater, I had shitty vegetarian black bean chili (because I'm poor and couldn't afford real food) and then forced Ben & jerry's down my throat into my quickly growing stomach. So much for all the hard work I did in Pilates in Miami!


BOO I say, BOO!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear New York Real Estate People:


Stop lying and being stupid. I just want an apartment!


Many thanks,
Ashley
(someone who really doesn't want to have to kick your ass)