Let Me Repeat Myself!

Dear the Men of Miami,


Hi. Remember me? I tried to give you some words of advice a bout a week ago, but apparently you need an English to English translation. On behalf of the women that are unfortunate to come in contact with you, let me be blunt about what IS NOT acceptable.

Just because a woman wears a low cut shirt/dress, this is not an invitation for touching. Looking, is acceptable, eat it up. Savor it. If you behave, I might even let you take a picture of my hotness. But DO NOT think that the extra skin I have showing is screaming for your grimy hands rubbin' all up on it.

It is a red flag to a woman if you need to use her to get into a club. I don't care if you have a deal with the bouncer. I don't care if you are VIP in the hotel. There is OBVIOUSLY a reason why they won't let you in. Yes, it is easier for women to get into the clubs, but they DO let in men. I mean, if they didn't, we wouldn't go. So take a minute to assess your situation and then maybe we can talk about you buying me a drink.

This is for the Male Bouncers out there. You may be in the position to let me in or not. You may be able to make me stand around like a little dog begging to be fed. But really, you're not that cool. You are big, and sometimes scary, but get over yourselves for two minutes, take out the ear piece that we all know is just for show, and observe the situation in front of you. Pretty girls, trying to get inside your most likely lame-o club, to dance around, score some drinks and bring your establishment business which ultimately pays your rent. See, we can all win in this scenario...so stop being ASSES!
Thank You Very Much,
Ashley


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Dear Ladies of Miami,

Hi. A little friendly advice. Get control of yourself. 9/10ths of you look ridiculous. Maybe you should drink a little less, wear a teeny bit more clothing, and surround yourself with people that genuinely love you and care about you. I would suggest dropping the assholes that allow you to think it's acceptable to fly off the handle as a belligerent drunk. These people, are using your as their own form of entertainment. They are not your friends; your friends will call you out on your shit, get your ass home and hold your hair while you are puking. Remember this when you are screaming at them for ruining your night. They didn't ruin it...YOU did.

I understand shit happens, we've all been there. But try to contain yourself, and this includes fraternizations on the dance floor with the gross men I've already laid into.

Have fun. But STOP.  BEING.  SO.  STUPID!

Love You,
Ashley

(sorry, no fun pictures, i'm trying to be serious!)
(ok, well not really!)